mess

The twinkling glimpse of a catastrophe. Before it hits you, you realise that you are already in the middle of it. Start crawling, no need of turning back when you got death on your side, ready to let you taste of his wine. 


This is how it always ends. One little situation creates tons of emotions, places thoughts in my head. Thoughts impossible to get rid of. A chaos created by an emotional storm inside of me. Such a vital state of mind though. Without it, I don't think I would be able to feel passionate about other things. Comfortable, saved. It is a grey zone. Forbidden to talk about out loud. Not really accepted. But is it not like this, that after the time we spent feeling anxious and misplaced - all other feelings are welcomed and experienced as uncomplicated and so much more clear?


All I know for fact is that I'm so exhausted for walking around with all these thoughts, too heavy to bear, too heavy to deal with. I just don't know what to do with it all. How do you do it?