Oh, long time no see, again. My dearest, I've been ill since new years eve and it is not until now that I can bring myself to get back here. But no worries, I've been following you as always. You all, you made my days.It is a lot easier to get better when there are such lovely persons to read about. All my love to you..
Life is back to pretty much normal. As I said, I've been ill and I've spent most of my time in bed. My boy came over almost every night to say goodbye. Sometimes he brought his guitar and I fell asleep while listening to his voice. It was perfect, maybe that is why it took me so long to get better, I enjoyed those moments a little to much.
I almost forgot to tell you about my new years, I think I have to tell you in the next post. It was very decadent and suiting for the location. He took me to the most amazing place ever and we spent a magical evening together. But more of that next time.
Love,
A
Showing posts with label boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boy. Show all posts
2012-01-26
2011-07-16
and I was the neediest bitch in the room
So we flew away. And he fed me take out on the floor, stroke my hair and held my hand. The three of us took over the nights in Paris, listening to Louise Attaque all night long while emptying endless bottles of wine. We smoked cigarettes, forgot that we ever had voices and joined in a silent humming. Life was good and I felt safe. Yet I couldn't write it down, I couldn't say it out loud - I was stuck in a fantasy and we all know that those tend to slip away as soon as we make them public. I was happy as ever, still something was missing..
I stopped eating, had an exclusive relation with cigarettes and wine. Started again after too many disappointed looks from him. There were never any arguments, just the looks in his eyes and the times he turned away and disappeared into the night "to think".. I messed up and was minutes away from loosing it all. So I picked myself up from the street, with the help of my two big loves, my lovers in silk. And together we played the charade of life, still trying to figure out the lines, but it is always less hard when three sharing..
I stopped eating, had an exclusive relation with cigarettes and wine. Started again after too many disappointed looks from him. There were never any arguments, just the looks in his eyes and the times he turned away and disappeared into the night "to think".. I messed up and was minutes away from loosing it all. So I picked myself up from the street, with the help of my two big loves, my lovers in silk. And together we played the charade of life, still trying to figure out the lines, but it is always less hard when three sharing..
2011-05-21
balcony blues
I missed you. I missed grapes, well mostly liquid ones. I missed guitar play, the balcony blues we had every Wednesday night. I missed having my fingers feel your shivering body. And I missed being one, two of the same kind, bound together by transparent thoughts and see-through skin. But now you're back. You know you have to teach me how to breath every time you're away, so why leave at all?
My heart was away, and then he came back. I am so lucky he's got that habit, it kinda makes me complete. Flickering, while he unbuttons my dress. Every time. Need of a pause, to catch my breath, in between kisses on the neck. Slowly arranging my limbs in place, posing, before he looks at me through the lens. I missed him.
I missed you too darlings. It just seem so hard these days..
My heart was away, and then he came back. I am so lucky he's got that habit, it kinda makes me complete. Flickering, while he unbuttons my dress. Every time. Need of a pause, to catch my breath, in between kisses on the neck. Slowly arranging my limbs in place, posing, before he looks at me through the lens. I missed him.
I missed you too darlings. It just seem so hard these days..
2011-02-26
I am a rock
Sitting on his balcony. Wrapped up in three layers of fleece. We're sitting on the floor, hiding from the icy winds. In front of us, a sea of candles. My throat is sore, too much smoke has passed down there the latest hours. His fingers are too cold to play the guitar, mine to cold to handle le tire-bouchon. Next to us, a bowl filled with hot water - no one likes the red too cold..
His silhouette in the light of the playful flames, with a curtain of smoke. Like a dragon, silver smoke sips through his nostrils. Warm breath, glittering eyes. I like solitude. But tonight, I am glad not to be alone. For the first time, I think I appreciate him the way I should. A rock to depend on.
2011-02-10
drained
Exhausted. As a result of no sleep, to many thoughts, too heavy to bear. My head is banging. Haven't been able to close my eyes even for a second, to much going on inside of me. My headache is not from drinking to many bottles of wine last night. I would like to bang it in to the wall. Because that kind of pain I can take. But this, this is something else..
I escaped last night. When I woke up from my coma I realised that I haven't met him for a few days. Just the distraction I needed. So I went to his place. We made up a fire, emptied a couple of bottles, smoked each other down to the filter and made love, whenever our subjects of discussion ran out. I ended up sitting naked in front of the fire, staring. Together we fed the fire with old Elle mags, and she licked everything we gave her. I saw the thin smiles of spotlight girls disappear into it. For a second I thought about c, but then he kissed my neck, continuing down my spine - and I forgot about all the sadness and choose to live in the moment, as of right now.
I escaped last night. When I woke up from my coma I realised that I haven't met him for a few days. Just the distraction I needed. So I went to his place. We made up a fire, emptied a couple of bottles, smoked each other down to the filter and made love, whenever our subjects of discussion ran out. I ended up sitting naked in front of the fire, staring. Together we fed the fire with old Elle mags, and she licked everything we gave her. I saw the thin smiles of spotlight girls disappear into it. For a second I thought about c, but then he kissed my neck, continuing down my spine - and I forgot about all the sadness and choose to live in the moment, as of right now.
2011-02-02
walking down memorylane
Dutiful Wednesday. Loads to do, will not do any. Long for the summer or spring, well at least for a warm breeze that gently strokes my cheek. I miss the colorful blindness you get from staring in to the sun too long. I miss the freckles on my knees. I miss sable under my feet. So I run, far far away. Days like these are made for wine, cigarettes and endless daydreaming. I sit in the window sill and I remember..
We ran through the grass. The dewdrops licked my ankles wet. We were hundreds, well at least a dozen. Sky painted softly in apricot. Afternoon had turned into evening, night and now morning. We were out on an adventure in the woods. Surrounded by green. We made fires, danced around them singing softly, shouting loudly. We built a community, for just one night.
I met him for the first time out there. I loved his curls and I adored his voice. He sang to me that night and he spoke french like a native. We shared wine bottles, cigarettes and breaths. We made love under the stars, like one of those virgin cliches. Still it was no cliche. He swept me away, heart body and mind all at once. And I found myself lying on my back out on a field. The others just a few feet away. He tucked his shirt under my head and touched my collar bone with his fingertips while whispering the world was made for us and no one but us
We ran through the grass. The dewdrops licked my ankles wet. We were hundreds, well at least a dozen. Sky painted softly in apricot. Afternoon had turned into evening, night and now morning. We were out on an adventure in the woods. Surrounded by green. We made fires, danced around them singing softly, shouting loudly. We built a community, for just one night.
I met him for the first time out there. I loved his curls and I adored his voice. He sang to me that night and he spoke french like a native. We shared wine bottles, cigarettes and breaths. We made love under the stars, like one of those virgin cliches. Still it was no cliche. He swept me away, heart body and mind all at once. And I found myself lying on my back out on a field. The others just a few feet away. He tucked his shirt under my head and touched my collar bone with his fingertips while whispering the world was made for us and no one but us
2011-01-26
another guitarfilled night
Late night yesterday, not enough sleep and way to much wine. I knew that the morning would be rough, Wednesdays are always early mornings. We stayed up and he played me tunes on his guitar. His curls fell down before his eyes when he leaned forward, he's so intense when he plays. His whole body kind of shakes a little bit. He concentrates and wrinkles his forehead.
We sat like that for hours, sometimes he glanced at me, a little smile, then he continued to play. Like all other nights, our guitar filled nights. After a bottle of wine, he starts to sing. Quietly. Almost whispering. After two bottles, he doesn't care anymore and his voice grow stronger, fills the room with every inch of him. If we continue, he'll take me in his arms and he tries to get me to play with him. But then I'm already too drunk..
When the guitar is asleep and there's nothing but silence we lay down. His bed, a mattress directly on the floor. Just enough room for us both. White smoke rise against the ceiling, candles are creating shadows on the walls. Normally I'd be scared and my imagination would fill my head with all sorts of weird hallucinations. The shadows are always a man with an umbrella. But with him, I feel more safe than ever. Maybe that's why I always fall asleep first when we share the same bed.
We sat like that for hours, sometimes he glanced at me, a little smile, then he continued to play. Like all other nights, our guitar filled nights. After a bottle of wine, he starts to sing. Quietly. Almost whispering. After two bottles, he doesn't care anymore and his voice grow stronger, fills the room with every inch of him. If we continue, he'll take me in his arms and he tries to get me to play with him. But then I'm already too drunk..
When the guitar is asleep and there's nothing but silence we lay down. His bed, a mattress directly on the floor. Just enough room for us both. White smoke rise against the ceiling, candles are creating shadows on the walls. Normally I'd be scared and my imagination would fill my head with all sorts of weird hallucinations. The shadows are always a man with an umbrella. But with him, I feel more safe than ever. Maybe that's why I always fall asleep first when we share the same bed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)