So we flew away. And he fed me take out on the floor, stroke my hair and held my hand. The three of us took over the nights in Paris, listening to Louise Attaque all night long while emptying endless bottles of wine. We smoked cigarettes, forgot that we ever had voices and joined in a silent humming. Life was good and I felt safe. Yet I couldn't write it down, I couldn't say it out loud - I was stuck in a fantasy and we all know that those tend to slip away as soon as we make them public. I was happy as ever, still something was missing..
I stopped eating, had an exclusive relation with cigarettes and wine. Started again after too many disappointed looks from him. There were never any arguments, just the looks in his eyes and the times he turned away and disappeared into the night "to think".. I messed up and was minutes away from loosing it all. So I picked myself up from the street, with the help of my two big loves, my lovers in silk. And together we played the charade of life, still trying to figure out the lines, but it is always less hard when three sharing..
so happy to see you back here!!!! the charade thing is so true,i had to find out that this is only way of coping, no, not coping, but really living. reality is made by thought anyway, isn't it? let make the best of it. love you hun, so glad to "see" you again!!missed your words. a lot.
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it is always less hard when three sharing..
ReplyDeletei need to hear these words and it felt wonderful i heard this from you. i missed reading you, darling. your words bring me comfort, always. hugs**
It's great to hear from you! I hope you're doing as well as you can. If you can't figure out the lines, don't bother. Make up your own and improvise! It gets easier with practice.
ReplyDeleteI've been quite busy, dancing for about 30 hours a week, total time at the studio even more than that! Unfortunately I have a lot of summer work for school as well, but I'm trying to fit in time for myself and my creativity. At the moment, I'm exhausted.
Isn't it strange that we can simultaneously feel the best and worst we've ever felt?
you are too amazing darling.
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My dear, i have found a new home. I hope your days are beautiful.
ReplyDeletehttp://moon-lore.blogspot.com/
thank you for your words. i have read them countless times. so true they hardly become known to me. yes - that is the pain that comes with music. there is even music i cannot listen to in the company of strangers or people i dont trust. i once ran away from a party. my friend J followed me and asked me why i ran. i said the music strips me bare, i cannot bear to be naked in front of all those strangers...
ReplyDeletelove you, darling girl
To much light shed on anything ruins the subject.
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